Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The rest of this week

will be spent undoing everything from today and yesterday.
Basically I hate myself.
Don't know when I'll be back on.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Sometimes I feel like I could cut real deep, crack open my breast plate, and the real girl could finally come out.  I know the real me is in there, packed away under these extra 40lbs.

I'm going to have to up the output.  I'm not losing at all.  Weighed in the same: 160, again.  Its really discouraging, and I don't think I'm going to eat anymore than the banana I had for breakfast today.  Mike will kill me, but he just doesn't get it.  I mean, I have lost 5lbs in the past two weeks.  And its stayed off.  I guess that's something to be excited about, but for some reason I am stuck on the negative aspects of everything.  Also, I'm going to have to get a new scale.  This one is so inaccurate; I always have to adjust it back to zero when I get on.  Any recommendations?

I'm going to watch the eating disorder episodes of Intervention, do some laundry and some minor calisthenics.  I don't want to have to take another shower today before Mike gets here.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.  Stay strong and away from the chocolate! =)

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Intake for the day is chicken noodle soup from scratch and a whole fucking chocolate strawberry.
What the fuck is wrong with me?

My chest is really tight, has been all last night and today.  Like I can't even take in a deep breath without it hurting.

Output for today is calisthenics until I pass out.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


In case you couldn't tell, I'm sickly obsessed with Megan Fox.  I have about a billion pictures of her all over my room.  Anyway, sorry the post was so short, but I barely have enough energy to sit upright right now. 


Liquid fast went really well today, up until about an hour ago.  I ate a 2 1/2 ounce banana.  I guess that's about 80 calories.  Other than that I just had tea, water, and 2 cups of bullion.
Total intake for today was 100 calories.  Pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself.

One of my main goals today was to compile a thinspo post.  That'll be done later, and ready when you girls wake up.

Tomorrow I'm going to the mall with my mom to shop for Mike's Valentine's Day gift.  I'm excited, but also nervous about the food court temptations.  My calorie limit tomorrow is 550.  Hopefully I'll be way under that. 

Also, to determined girl:  thank you so much for your supportive comment!  Made me feel soooo much better. 

Friday, February 11, 2011


Well my plan for today did not happen.  My sleeping schedule is still so screwed up, and I ended up going to bed in the morning/waking in the afternoon.

I didn't eat anything today until dinner time, when I had some brown rice, peppers and chicken.  It came to about 300 calories.  Then I had two cookies from last night, which came to about 250.

Total for today is 550, which isn't totally bad, but not totally where I'd like to be.  But I weighed in at 159 this morning, which is a pound down from last time, so I'm still feeling positive.

My good mood just can't be broken today.

I went grocery shopping this evening; this is what I got:

Red Bell Peppers
Brown Rice
Chicken Bullion
Special K
Skim Milk

I think that's it. 

Anyway, my boyfriend goes home tomorrow for a couple days, to arrive back on Monday.  Then we're celebrating our anniversary.  I'm thinking of ordering steamed veggies and white rice.  I know the calorie content will still be high, but its the best I can do when he is insisting on Chinese food, and will notice if I don't eat.

I'm going to try a liquid fast starting midnight tonight, for 24 hours.  I have plenty of water, mint tea, cinnamon apple tea, and green tea to help me through.  If its not too cold out I may go for a walk, if not its yoga and DDR for me.

Wish me luck!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Plan for Tomorrow

10 a.m.- Wake up
10: 30- Breakfast of two egg whites and mint tea
10:45-  DDR for 200 cal
11:30-  Shower/shave/etc
12:15-  Grocery Shopping
2:00-  read everyone's blogs/mint tea
3:30-  pick up Ashton
7:00-  Dinner of two cups bullion
8:00-  Create thinspo post
9:00-  Read
Be in bed no later than midnight

2/10/11 Update

Dinner:  Progresso Chicken Veggie Rotini- 140
              1 link homemade sausage- 100

Also, I have my period, and so I'm making home made organic cookies, chocolate chip.  They're 100 calories each.  I found this awesome website where you just put in your recipe and it counts the calories; its pretty cool.


We're four days away from Valentine's Day, which also happens to be my two year anniversary with Mike.  Our first Valentine's Day together, we sat at my house, watched Bill Cosby and ate Chinese food.  He says we're recreating this.

So this whole week, I've been trying to stay right around 500 calories each day.  I did really well, even through Superbowl Sunday, I ate just around that amount.

Sunday:  240
Monday:  650
Tuesday:  no food at all, just lots of alcohol =)
Wednesday: well, I recorded that here, didn't I?

So today I haven't had anything yet, but I've only been awake for about three hours.  I feel famished, but I've been distracting myself by reading these University pages.  University of Skin and Bones, or University of EDNOS.  They're closed now, but they still have they're programs and stuff up, and I'm thinking of maybe following one after Monday.

On a not-so-food-related note, I got my second fish tank all set up, and running smoothly, so tonight Mike and I are going fish shopping.  I'm excited!  First of all, I absolutely adore allll my tropical fish (I have 5 bettas, and a ten gallon community tank with catfish, snails, a frog, and tetras)  and I love expanding my collection.  I had a puffer, but he died, and now I'm excited to restock his tank, and get passed my depression after his death.  Second, they don't sell human food at pet stores! Yay!  There will be no temptation while I'm out tonight, and I always look forward to that!

Anyway, I am a HUGE animal lover.  Together Mike and I have four tropical birds, 3 fish tanks, 5 mini betta tanks, three cats, three dogs, three frogs, and a guinea pig!  Taking care of all our animals is the best distraction;  not just from food, but from anything.  My kitten helps me especially:  she loves me unconditionally and would never call me fat, ugly, dumb, worthless.  Seeing they're expressions light up absolutely makes my day.

Do you girls have any obsessions?  What keeps you girls going?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Weighed in at 162.  In the middle of the day, fully clothed.  Went four days without a scale, so kind of just jumped right on.

Breakfast:  nothing
Lunch:  Progresso Vegetable- 140
Dinner:  nothing
Snack:  jhskjdfghfskjg chips.  300
             1 cup iced tea (low blood sugar suddenly?) 101

Total: 541

Not my worst, by far.  Not my best either.

I didn't exercise at all today, because of a supermajorawful hang over.


So I started this blog to keep track of my daily input/output.  Hopefully having followers and people supporting me will help keep me accountable.  I know that if I have to tell everyone how much I ate, then I'll eat less, to save myself from my embarrassment.

Back story:

7 years ago, when I was fourteen, I started restricting and puking whatever I did eat.  By 15/16 I was a steady 95lbs.  At 16 I was hospitalized in Hershey, PA.

17-19 I chronically restricted, keeping myself at 115.  At 20 was diagnosed with polycistic ovarian syndrome.  Gained all this weight.  21 now, and I'm tired of being fat.